When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
How naked do you want me to be?
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