she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
