you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This baby is an asshole
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
