I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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