Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
