Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
