If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
