it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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