I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
