I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
