Duck Duck Cougar?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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