I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
