literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
