um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize