the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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