I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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