Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
