she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
