OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i came on her dog
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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