Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
