i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
