We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
