What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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