and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
