If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
