I wanna passion pit in your ass
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
