yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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