Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
