He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
