I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
