Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
