so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
