I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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