His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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