so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize