My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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