My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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