in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
