Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
