We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
