First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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