Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
