You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
