the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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