Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
