I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
