She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
