That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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