Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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