found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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