My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
