dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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