Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
