We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
