I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Mom said you looked used
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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