dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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